This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
