Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
