Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
