I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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