Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
