i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize