No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
