so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
