Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Alive.
So much puke
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
