i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
