Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
