its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
