so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
