I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
