it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
