This house was built for laser tag.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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