So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
