If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
