if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize