I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
