you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
