I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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