I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
