twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
