dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
