Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
