So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
