he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
