Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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