i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
