Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
