Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
