i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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