Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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