WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
