Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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