i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
