She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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