If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize