She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
