am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
