He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
