So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
