You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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