I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
