Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
3pm strippers are depressing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
