my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
