you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
