smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
