I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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