John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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