Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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