I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
