Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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