Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
