I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
