Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
