he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize