Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
