I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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