my sisters under your porch take her home
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
