A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize