no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
