Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
