The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
