she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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