I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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