Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
