would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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