im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
