it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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