did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
