I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
