If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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