I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
