I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
