That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm getting married
To pizza
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
