Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
