I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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