Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I won the penis lottery.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize