I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
