just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
