this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
