I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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