Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize