I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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