Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize