Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
