Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We need to get me chipped asap
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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