I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
