3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
