I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, beer. Big fan.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
