To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
