I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
