your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize