i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
