i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
