i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
