I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
