we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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