Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
