she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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