buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
