my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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