I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
