he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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