i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
