Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
