real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
